Friday, July 16, 2010

I Forgot To Put My Hand Over My Heart During The Pledge of Allegiance

Actually, I forgot to put my left turn signal on when making a left hand turn onto Ft. Hamilton Pkwy. I was immediately pulled over by the NYPD. I wasn't sure what I had done at first, after a long, hot day of working at the garden plot and then in the studio. It was 9 pm. I agreed with him that I forgot to use the signal. So he asked me if I knew about the device for signaling. Then he made me turn it on, get out of the car and look at it. Then he made me go back to the car, turn the right signal on and come back to look at it. His eyes blazed at me like Robert Patrick in Terminator 2, except his head was bald and fat. He asked me to give him all the items he asked for at once. Then we sat there for 15 minutes while he and his robot partner sat stone cold in their vehicle. He admonished me and my passenger not to leave the car. When he came back he informed me that he was going to issue me a summons (from what I can tell, $130) and he could explain the three things that could happen "if I would like." I didn't like. SO I said, well I'm going to pay this ticket. "Are you going to let me tell you the three things...." Hell no, I know the schtick. Why do I have to participate in your theatre??! You issue me a summons in lieu of arrest. Your baton was shoved so far up your ass that you just might've arrested me over a missed turn signal! So, summons in hand I am now free to go. I am reading it, not looking into his unblinking eyes. He goes on with his one man play. " If you decide to fight this summons, you will find me in the Coney Island Traffic Court before a judge....the judge will ask me what happened and he will ask you what happened.." Frankus Interuptus! I am going to pay this ticket. (Are we done now) Yes sir, I didn't turn on my signal. I admit that to you. I will pay the ticket, now let me go home to eat dinner. "Are you listening to me?" "Yes," I say "If I decide to fight this summons, I will find us in the Coney Island Traffic Court before a judge..."

My Fucking Lord. Why the humiliation patrol? I know its like this for so many of the citizens of NYC and I am sorry.


  1. My God. It's like...every cliche ever? I can't believe that happened. Congratulations on staying cool. It's like he was itching for something to happen.

  2. It was! He made me hate cops, who ordinarily I have little issue with on a personal basis.

    I really can't afford it either -guess I should have flicked on that turn signal lever. Glad he showed me where it was!

  3. He must have needed to fill his quota for the month. Not all cops would have given you a ticket. Most wouldn't have even stop you for that.

  4. I agree with meems that the quota thing must have come into play. It's absolutely farcical and if you put it in a play no one would believe you. So sorry.

  5. Sure it was a quota, but showing him the lever? And the light??? I get mad at people who say all cops are awful and then you hear this and think, Hm, maybe this sort of thing happened to them, too: Dim-witted oafs with power.

    I think you should contest it just so that all garden bloggers can go and sit in court and laser beam him.

  6. I agree with you Marie, I never like when anyone hates "all cops" etc, and I've usually had personable one on ones. Totally random experience. Its always quota time!! It wasn't that I broke the law, that I did -it was his attitude and lousy sense of proportion to the crime that was committed.

    Maybe that was the third thing that could happen that I cut him off from explaining -garden blogger court! But really, no one wants to spend their time there:)

    Thanks for listening!

  7. gotta nip it in the bud. non- directional use is a gateway crime. next, you'll be stealing all the columbine seed pods that are so tempting now.


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